THESE LAST 3 DAYS ARE GOING TO BE AN ETERNITY, AND EVEN IF I HAVE TO CLIMB AN ICY HILLSIDE ON FOOT CAUSE MY CAR CANNOT MAKE IT UP THE HILL, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT BEAUTY I AM FIXING TO SEE EVERY SINGLE DAY IN THIS NEW RESIDENCE OVERLOOKING THE LAKE AND SEEING A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT VIEW THAN I AM USED TO HERE IN FRASER COLORADO.   I loved the view when I first went to look at the place, but I had no idea how beautiful the alpenglow was gonna be, I saw it when taking a load to my storage and the sunset was one of those so striking that people were pulling off the road to stop and take pictures, and I will get this every day!   I am looking forward to the day when I resume taking pictures of these incredible sunsets again instead of the crap on my computers and that day is just HOURS away, god I remember how school would drag by, me just aching to be free of rules, having to sit inside some room I did not want to be in, doing work I had no interest in and trying to avoid looking at the slowness of the second hand on that damn clock above the blackboard…or maybe a better analogy would be the one I went through a number of times, in riverside, California, going to court and waiting all day in that horrible holding tank, that stank of sweat and urine, waiting for my time in front of the judge handcuffed to a rather hopeless group all dressed in orange, pissing in front of each other all day in a small cement room… then finding out you were gonna get your probation re-instated and having to wait As the rest of the criminals went before the judge and we were finally shuttled back to the jail, happy as hell, to the point of being irritating to those who did not get good news when they stood in front of the judge, and of course the ire of the same cops who did this court run every single day and were sick of seeing any joy in anyone and then the hours that dragged on forever waiting for the announcement to roll it up and bring your mattress, usually around midnight, for some fucked up reason, best time of day to hitchhike carrying your cardboard jail box and release paperwork, and wearing the same crap you had been arrested in, which for some reason was always rather sad to be donning again, that is if it could even BE WORN after being fattened up for a few weeks on that oh so nutritious jailfood…these next few days are already like that elation and smugness you get KNOWING FREEDOM IS IMMINENT, BUT NOT QUITE YOURS YET. I almost would rather sleep in my car on the other side of the county rather than stay in this horrible place one more night- if it was not for having to be on this damn oxygen concentrator I would be outta here. I have gotten the phone and cable service changed, just a few more days til I am FREE to be happy again, I really hope I can close this chapter and not dwell on this horrible series of incident I have gone through here in fraser, Colorado.  I am certain it is going to make these creeps miserable knowing I am going to go be happy, I am sure they are going to do their best to ruin my joy.  too bad, what I want all of you to know is I have been affected mentally by this series of incidents, but just like I lost all the weight trying to recover from the assault by the freak, I am going to be looking for the best things I can find in each new day in my new life with the new view and quiet sunrises and incredible sunsets, I get to be happy and I am not going to let any of you stop me from regaining that feeling I once had before I became just another victim of grand county… I know I am being closely watched by all of you I am not sure by who all~ but I am assuming it is ALL of you…and that fine ass of mine, you are soon to be deprived of looking at it or of being able to torture me any more, so remember that smile I used to wear before all this crap, I will be doing my best to regain it, it will not be me missing YOU, any of you. fraser just lost one good person, that is what I am and I am gonna regain my love of this place, whether you freaks like it or not, I am gonna be happy, I insist upon it in fact, and the grand county sheriff department need not worry about me doing anything weird, I am not a drunk or a drug addict, I am a person who has been through hell and I am going to recover from these last couple years in my own way, by doing my best to change everything bad in my life to good stuff and I will do what I want where I want and enjoy everything I can think of , just give me a little alone time and I will be fine, ok? the body knows how to heal itself, the only thing is to silence the mind and you can be free of any thing trying to harm you, beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from the negative stuff~ I never thought i would be sober, but to tell you the truth, i can’t imagine a life where the only thing i long for is to be drunk or on drugs, never again will i want that life, i just barely got out of it with my life and just like when i could tolerate being a junkie no more i am leaving the misery behind and changing my whole outlook on life and the crowd around me to do what ever it takes to be somewhere people are not mean to each other or just want to use you or are materialistic or just indifferent to your plight. i know there must be some others out there who like me just want to be happy…but if not, i will show them what to look for in life, not wealth or chaos  or hate, finding that happy thought cause that is all peter pan needed, one happy thought, and he could FLY!!~!

Advertisements