THINK I AM ALMOST DONE WITH THE HARD STUFF AND CAN FINALLY GET DOWN TO FINDING OUT WHAT I AM LIKE WHEN I AM HAPPY! still real shaky as my meds were messed with real bad and my thyroid levels needed severe adjustments, but I think I am gonna be o.k.- I was able to get out of bed today, and my hands are shaking real bad, but at least I still have the desire to get up and get over all the things that have been dragging me down- and that shows my damage is not permanent! my first thoughts upon waking today were that I felt like hell, but after an hour or so, I decided to get up and try and feel better and for the first time in a long time I felt positive thoughts and when I got up and got me some hot chocolate and opened up my pc- I did not look to see how many remote addresses there were on the resource monitor nor did I look at the event logs to see what had been erased, I noticed the other day that the extra users were being deleted from my system and that is a step in the right direction, I know the pc invaders were still with me, but I think that was to make sure I really was dropping all cases and complaints. I have absolutely no interest in dredging anything up from my series of incidents I suffered while living in fraser, co. and have bought another computer and though I will be making sure no further invasions start with the new device and service, as long as I am left alone, I plan to try and forget the last 3 years. there is a new year just around the corner and I want it to be one of the best of my life. I am soberer than the local judge, and am actually enjoying clarity, as I drew my blood in the lab at the granby hospital Thursday, I spoke with the guy in the lab and he had met me while I was in the ambulance being pulled out of my apartment for a lame suicide attempt, which was not me wanting to die, but rather me unable as well as unwilling to continue living being victimized by anyone. I have had one horrible life, at times, mostly of my own making and have paid rather heavy prices for my stupidity, but it was a conflict I simply could not handle to be victimized and have no help from police and in a moment of weakness, I thought it would be better for all to just stop them from victimizing me. then I thought about the few I love and how much it would hurt them for me to give in like a coward and I puked up the pills but was still removed from the apartment by force, where the man watching me draw my own blood finally met the real Karin Wrape and not the angry person he saw in the ambulance, breaking the restraints from sheer indignation and hate. and as I quickly hit the vein, I had to tell him how I could never have imagined when I was a junkie, that I would willingly put needles in my veins without putting some kind of drug in myself. amazing how much a person can change… so now you all get to see something new with this new year, Karin wrape completely happy when she does come into town. if it is humanly possible to put a horrible experience in he past- I will be doing that, sure, I will never forget what has happened, cause if you forget the lesson, you may end up having to learn it again. but I think I can put them in a box, a bag or a file and just let it go. I have lost everything more than once, but only once have I gained sanity, and I am not going to let my past ruin my future… so when you see me in town, don’t think about all the things I have beaten to get to the happy state of mind I am seeing more of every day, think of how lucky I am for getting the chance to put them in my past and being smart enough to actually DO it! and keep watching, cause I am an amazing person, and I do amazing things!