HELLO TO MY FLEET AND MY REAL FOLLOWERS AND TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT I AFFECT, ALL OF YOU ARE MY POSSE SO HERE’S TODAY’S LOOK INTO LIVING BIPOLAR AND BEING HOMELESS IN A PLACE YOU DO NOT KNOW.   LAST NIGHT I WATCHED A DVD IN MY CAR WHILE FREEZING MY A** OFF, THE DVD WAS ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH, DISABILITIES, LOOKING AT WHAT THE WORLD HAS BECOME AND QUESTIONING HOW WE CAN FIX IT… EXCELLENT -THE DVD WAS SIMPLY CALLED “I AM”. AND ONE THING IN IT -OTHER THAN THE POSITIVE MESSAGE STRUCK ME- THERE WAS A GUY-KIINDA NUTTY LOOKING LIKE ME, AND HE HAD A SIGN OFFERING FREE HUGS. AS I SAT IN MY CAR, I WAS ALMOST IN TEARS WATCHING TOTAL STRANGERS HUGGING.   THAT WOULD HAVE CREEPED ME OUT JUST A MONTH AGO-HELL, I PRETTY MUCH LOST MY FAITH IN HUMANITY, OTHER THAN THE FAITH THAT HUMANS A OUT TO HARM EVERYTHING THEY SEE. I HAVE MY REASONS.   TODAY, I WAS ILL AS I HAD FINALLY TRIED TO EAT LAST NIGHT, I HAVE TO FEED MYSELF AND AVOID DEHYDRATION OR I CAN BE PULLED IN FOR A MENTAL HEALTH HOLD, WHILE USING A VOUCHER TO GET SOME MUCH NEEDED SURVIVAL GEAR FOR SLEEPING IN MY CAR AT THE THRIFT SHOP IN DILLON, THE FIRST THING THAT BLEW ME AWAY WAS THE LADY RUNING THE SHOP CAME UP TO ME AND HANDED ME SOME MONEY,SAYING SOME PEOPLE LISTENING TO ME ASK ABOUT USING THE VOUCHER HA WANTED HER TO GIVE THIS TO ME, NEESDLESS TO SAY, I WAS HOLDING THE FLOOD OF TEARS BACK JUST BARELY, AND I HUMBLY THANKED THE WOMAN AND KINDA GAVE HER A SORT OF HUG/ HANDSHAKE AND CONTINUED LOOKING FOR HEAVY WEATHER GEAR… THERE4 WAS AN INSTANCE OF SOMEONE LOOKING FOR A HIGHCHAIR WHILE VISITING AND IT NEEDED A LITTLE WORK, I PULLED OUT MY LEATHERMAN AND FIXED THE CHAIR IN JUST MINUTES-I WILL BE DAMNED IF WHILE SHOPPING, NOT ONE BUT TWO SETS OF PEOPLE GAVE ME THE FREE HUGS I HAD WITNESSED LAST NIGHT AND I REALIZE I SORELY NEEDED, AS MY CURRENT SITUATION IS SHALL WE SAY, ‘HOSTILE’ AT BEST… PEOPLE I HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN MY LIFE WERE HUGGING ME- THE WOMAN WHO HATES BEING TOUCHED-AND I WAS HUGGING THEM BACK WITH ALL MY HEART.   THE BOY OF ONE WOMAQN I LIFTED COMPLETELY OFF THE GROUND AND HELD JUST ENOUGH TO NOT BE CREEPY- POINT BEING THIS- IN THE LAST 9 DAYS BEING HOMELESS-I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO BE IN SOCIETY I AM NOT USED TO, AROUND PEOPLE THAT I AM NOTHING LIKE, AND I AM CHANGING FROM A ANGRY RECLUSE TO SOMEONE WHOSE SMILE HAS A PHYSICAL EFFECT ON ALL WHO SEE ME-LITERALLY TO THE POINT OF BEING HUGGED-AND I LIKED IT.   WOW.  IN JUST 9 DAYS I AM NO LONGER A HATER OF HUMANKIND,  (there are those I will always hate because of their greed)  WHEN IN STORES I AM BEING NICE TO PEOPLE AND ALMOST FITTING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.   I DID NOT REALIZE JUST HOW ISOLATED I HAVE BEEN THESE LAST THREE YEARS AND TO DESCRIBE MY FORMER LIFE WOULD BE A HORRIBLE  TALE OF LIVING IN A ROOM ALONE, WITH NO ONE EVEN REMOTELY WORTH TALKING TO ANYWHERE IN SIGHT,  WITH NO TV, OR NO RADIO, ONLY THE CONSTANT HACKING AND BLOCKING OF MY PHONE USEAGE- SUSPICIOUS OF EVERY PERSON IN MY SIGHT AND THOUGH I THOUGHT I WAS OK I REALIZE I WAS IN A PRISON IN MY OWN RESIDENCE.   NOW THAT I HAVE NO RESIDENCE, I AM FORCED TO DEAL WITH THE PUBLIC WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT, AND I WILL ALWAYS BE BIPOLR, BUTR I WILL NOT BE ALONE LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN…IT IS NOT GOOD TO SPEND THAT MUCH TIME ALONE WITH NO ENTERTAINMENT OF ANY KIND.  I WILL LEARN TO LIVE IN THE LAND OF LIGHT.  JUST LAST YEAR I WAS MWENTALLY UNABLE TO USE A VACCUUM, TODAY I WAS ASKED TO VACCUUM FLOORS AND WAS WILLING EVEN THOUGH I FELT SICK TO THE POINT OF PUKING.  I GOTTA LOOK FOR THE POSITIVE THINGS IN LIFE, THE RAINBOWS AND THE PEACOCKS, THE MOUNTAINS AND THE SUNSETS. I GOTTA FIND PEOPLE WORTH MY COMPANY. I NOW KNOW THEY ARE OUT THERE AND I WILL NO LONGER BE TERRORIZED TO THE POINT OF HIDING FROM THE WORLD.   IF NOTHING ELSE-THOSE TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE HAVE EXPOSED ME TO THE POSSIBILTY OF WHAT PEOPLE CALL A ‘NORMAL’ LIFE… I HAVE BEEN PUT THROUGH THE RINGER AND HAQVE COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE SLIGHTLY CRUSHED, BUT STILL CLEAN AND SOBER AND WANTING TO STAY THAT WAY.  I WILL GET MY SH*T TOGETHER ENOUGH THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING DRAGGED IN FOR YET ANOTHER MENTAL HEATH EVALUATION AND THAT WILL BE JUST ANOTHER MONUMENTAL LIFE CHANGE FOR THE PERFECT VICTIM.  I ALMOST APPRECIATE BEING FORCED INTO HOMELESSNESS~ IF ONLY TO FIND THERE ARE REALLY PEOPLE OUT THERE LIKE ME, WHO HELP,AND WANT NOTHING IN RETURN OTHER THAN TO SEE SOMEONE SMILE!  WOW, A WORLD WHERE PEOPLE SEE YOU COULD REALLY USE A HUG AND COME UP AND GIVE YOU ONE- TWICE IN THE SPACE OF AN HOUR.  SUMMIT COUNTY MAY NOT WANT TO LET ME BE A RESIDENT, BUT THE PEOPLE I HAVE MET IN THE LAST FEW DAYS MAKE ME WISH I COULD STAY.  IF SOMEONE LIKE ME CAN CHANGE HER WAY OF THINKING THAT DRASTICALLY IN JUST 9 DAYS,  JUST  THINK OF WHAT KIND OF PERSON I WILL TURN INTO AFTER 10 OR 12 OR THIRTY DAYS AROUND PEOPLE.  LIFE CAN BE GOOD-IT IS ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE-ONE I  NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE HAD.   IT WAS ALWAYS ME TRYING TO KEEP PEOPLE AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE, NOW I CAN USE A VACCUUM CLEANER AND HUG PEOPLE I MEET IN MY DAY! YET AGAIN, I HAVE PROFITED FROM THOSE TRYING TO DESTROY ME, I WIN AGAIN!  THERAPUTIC WRITING DONE BY KARIN WRAPE 1-9-16

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