ANOTHER DAY HAS PASSED WITH ME FINDING OUT THAT NOT EVERY ONE OUT IN THE WORLD I HAD ISOLATED MYSELF FROM IS OUT TO HURT ME… TODAY, YET ANOTHER COMPLETE STRANGER WITNESSED ME IN DISTRESS AND OFFERED ME MONEY FOR GAS.    ONCE AGAIN MY GAS SEEMS TO BE DISAPPEARING -I GOT 43 MILES OUT OF $10 OF GAS AT $1.94 A GALLON…  I WENT TO THE CHEAPEST STATION IN TOWN AND WHEN I OPENED THE GAS DOOR, THE CAP FELL RIGHT OUT YET AGAIN…  THE BLUNTNESS OF THESE THEIVES SHOULD BE AN INDICATOR OF EXACTLY HOW RANK THEY ARE.  IF THEY WILL STEAL GAS AND NOT EVEN BOTHER TO SCREW THE CAP BACK ON- THEY WILL MOST LIKELY ATTACK THE CAR IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WHILE I AM IN A STORE.   I KNOW FROM PAST EXPERIENCES IN THE GROCERY STORE PARTS DEPARTMENT THAT IF YOU DO NOT ACT LIKE YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG-NO ONE WILL SUSPECT A THING.  I USED TO BE A REAL BAD THIEF IN MY JUNKIE DAYS AND WHEN MY VEHICLES WOULD BREAK DOWN, I WOULD JUST GO TO A GROCERY STORE AND WAIT FOR THE TYPE OF CAR OR TRUCK I NEEDED PARTS FROM TO PULL IN AND WHILE THE UNSUSPECTING PERSON SHOPPED -I DID TOO-TAKING WHATEVER PART I NEEDED AND BE GONE BEFORE THEY WERE DONE SHOPPING.  SAME THING WITH CARS BROKEN DOWN ROADSIDE, LOTS OF FREE TIRES- LIKE I SAID, I WAS A THIEF.  THESE PEOPLE TRYING THIER BEST TO DESTROY ME HAVE ONCE AGAIN HELPED ME.  I AM NOT SEEING THE BAD ONLY ANYMORE BUT AM ACTUAL WITNESS TO THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS, AND IT IS NOT AN ISOLATED INCIDENT, EITHER- I HAVE HAD HUGS, GIFTS OF SMALL AMOUNTS OF MONEY,A $20 GROCERY CARD GIVEN ME BY KATHY DAVIS OF MIND SPRINGS MENTAL HEATH TO HELP WITH FOOD AS I AM ONLY GETTING $23 DOLLARS FROM HUMAN SERVICES, AND THE VOUCHER,OF COURSE, FROM THE F.I.R.C. IN SILVERTHORN TO THE DILLON THRIFTSHOP, WHERE I GOT THE CHANGE OF CLOTHES AND SLEEPING BAG AND BEAUTIFUL WOOL COAT THAT PROBABLY SAVED MY LIFE THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN IT WAS -15 DEGREES!  BEING BIPOLAR, MANIC DEPRESSIVE IS GETTING EASIER FOR ME TOO.  I AM NOT GOING FULL BALLS TO THE WALL MANIC EVERY DAY, I AM STILL GETTING MANIC -BUT IT IS GETTING A BIT EASIER TO CONTROL.   AND IT HAS ONLY BEEN 15 DAYS IN PUBLIC… I DID HAVE A BAD SCARE, BUT IT WAS AN INTENTIONAL THING DONE BY THOSE HACKING ME AND I USED A RESOURCE  THAT MENTAL HEALTH PROVIDES FOR EMERGENGY SITUATIONS.   I THINK THE BEST THING TO DO IS NOT RUN FROM THESE PEOPLE ANYMORE, IT JUST WASTES WHAT LITTLE RESOURCES I HAVE AND GIVES THEM JOY FROM HARMING ME.  I THINK MY BEST CHOICE IS TO GO BACK TO WHERE I CAME FROM AND GET THE KNOWLEDGE I NEED TO PROVE WHAT IS BEING DONE AND CONTINUE TO GET RID OF TRASH AS I SEE IT.  I SEE RUNNING ONLY MAKES ME LOOK MENTAL AND I DO NOT THINK OF MYSELF AS BEING CRAZY. I KNOW MY MIND AND HEART ARE RIGHT AS RAIN- AND I STILL WANT TO GET ON THE NHARVONI TRIALS NOW THAT I AM NO LONGER THE DRUG ADDICT THAT GOT KICKED OFF THE INTERFERON PROGRAM YEARS AGO.  MY FORMER PCP, MEGAN MONT,M.D. AT MIDDLE PARK MEDICAL HAS GREAT RESPECT FOR ME FROM WHEN I WAS CARING FOR THE ALCOHOLIC AND BASICALLY REVERSED HIS STAGE 4 LIVER FAILURE AND THE EMERGENCY ROOM STAFF ACTUALLY LET ME DETOX THE GUY AFTER HIS BROTHER WENT BACK TO GIVE HIM HARD LIQUOR AFTER I HAD WENT TO SLEEP.  HE ALMOST KILLED BOBBY THAT NIGHT, WHEN I TOOK HIM TO HIS APPOINTMENT THE NEXT DAY-HE WAS PUT IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM AND I STOOD WITH HIM THE WHOLE DAY SO THE EMERGENCY ROOM STAFF DID NOT HAVE TO WATCH HIM.  I STOOD AND WATCHED HIS HEART RATE AND WHEN HE WENT ERRATIC OR ARRHYTHMIC- I WOULD TAP HIM ON THE CHEST AND PET HIM LIKE A CAT TO SOOTHE THE HEART RATE- THIS WENT ON FOR HOURS AND HAPPENED ABOUT EVERY 15 MINUTES.  THE FACT THAT THE HOSPITAL STAFF LET ME DETOX HIM AND PRESCRIBED THE DETOX MEDS SO I COULD DO IT SHOW THIER RESPECT FOR ME.  MY DEEDS HAVE BEEN SEEN IN GRAND COUNTY AND NOTED BY MANY PEOPLE WHO WERE WITNESS TO MY TIME WITH BOBBY, MY ONE REGRET IS THAT MY HEALTH DID NOT HOLD UP ENOUGH TO PROTECT HIM BETTER, HIS BROTHER AND LINDA BLACKWELL DID THE SAME AS MY HACKERS, WAITING UNTIL I WAS UTERLY EXHAUSTED THEN THEY WOULD TAKE HIM FROM MY CARE AND FEED HIM HARD LIQUOR, BASICALLY REVERSING EVERY THING I WAS DOING TO HELP HIM.   ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE AND I FEEL BECAUSE OF MY OWN HEALTH ISSUES I LET HIM DOWN AND WAS NOT THERE TO KEEP THEM FROM GIVING HIM THE BOOZE-IN EFFECT, HAD I BEEN PHYSICALLY STRONGER-BOBBY MIGHT BE ALIVE AND STILL POKING ME IN MY PRIVES JUST TO GET A REACTION AND SHOW ME THAT SARDONIC SMILE I COULD GET THE OCCASIONAL PICTURE OF…   I KNOW I GAVE HIM ALL I HAD IN ME TO GIVE AND AT THE VERY LEAST, HE KNEW TRUE CARE FROM SOMEONE NOT OUT TO GET MONEY FROM HIM- HELL HE DID NOT EVEN KNOW HE WAS DRINKING MORE  O’DOULS NEAR BEER THAN REAL 5.9 BEER. IF HE WAS STILL ALIVE, HE WOULD SWEAR A BLUE STREAK THAT HE NEVER DRANK A SINGLE ALCOHOL FREE BEVERAGE- LINDA BROUGHT SOME AND I PERSONALLY BOUGHT BEER FOR HIM FROM THE GROCERY STORE THAT WAS 3.2 AND HE NEVER EVEN KNEW IT!  IF EVER ANYONE HAS TO BE DETOXED-MINE WAS THE KINDEST DETOX A PERSON COULD HOPE FOR- THE EDEMA LEAVING HIS FEET PERMANENTLY FROM MY CARE ARE PROOF ENOUGH FOR ME.   TODAY I FEEL TIRED, BUT I FEEL I AM DOING EXACTLY AS I SHOULD BE DOING TO MAKE SURE I AM NOT NEGLECTING MYSELF OR DOING ‘CRAZY’ THINGS.    MY NEW MENTAL HEALTH WORKER, RITU, IS GIVING ME TASKS AND TEACHING ME TO MEDITATE.  HAVING A PLAN IS SOMETHING I REALLY DID NOT HAVE- GETTING INTO A ROUTINE STOPS THE MIND FROM GOING TO UNWANTED PLACES.   FINDING RESOURCES IS SOMETHING I AM GOOD AT, LIVING AT EXTREME POVERTY LEVEL LOOKS EASY THE WAY I DO IT AND I DID NOT NEED MUCH TO LIVE GOOD.   THE DREAM I HAD ABOUT BUYING GAS IS MERE PENNIES FROM COMING TRUE AND IN THAT DREAM, WHEN I BUY GAS AT THE PRICE IN THE DREAM, IT WAS THE SIGN MY PROBLEMS WOULD CEASE.  I HAVE HAD DREAMS THAT COME TRUE SINCE I WAS ABOUT 5 YEARS OLD, MOST ARE BAD THINGS AND OTHERS ARE WHEN I FIND MONEY- I KNOW IT SOUNDS WEIRD-BUT IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME A LOT.   SO AS THE PRICE OF GAS DROPS, I AM DOING ALL I CAN TO PROVE I AM NOT CRAZY AND TO LEARN WHAT I NEED TO LEARN TO STOP THESE HACKERS FOR GOOD.  I MAY EMPLOY A TUTOR TO TEACH ME THE THINGS ABOUT THIS HACKING SHIT I SIMPLY DO NOT REALIZE THE CONCEPTS OF, OR I MAY ENROLL IN COLLEGE- I DO STILL FEEL THE NEED TO PROTECT PEOPLE FROM CRIME I SEE-JUST MY WAY-I KNOW I AM NOT THE WORLDS’ POLICE- THAT IS OBAMA’S JOB, hehehe   BUT I FEEL IT MY DUTY TO PROTECT PEOPLE FROM THESE VICIOUS HACKERS AS I AM THE ONE WITH THE PROOF THEY ARE DOING IT.  I WOULD NOT SOMEONE ELSE TO GO THROUGH WHAT I HAVE- MY WAY OF FIXING WHAT I PERSONALLY SEE WRONG WITH THE WORLD.   I WISH MORE PEOPLE HAD IT IN THEM TO WANT TO IMPROVE THING IN OUR WORLD, BUT I CAN ONLY DO MY PART TO MAKE THIS A BETTER PLACE.   AT THE VERY LEAST, IT HAS GIVEN ME A GOAL FOR MY LIFE AND THAT IS SOMETHING MOST PEOPLE SORELY LACK, GOALS. THERAPUTIC WRITING DONE BY KARIN WRAPE 1-15-16

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