I HAVE A CATEGORY CALLED LIFE WITH A CAT MORE PSYCHOTIC THAN I AM.  THE CAT IS MORE PSYCHOTIC THAN I AM BECAUSE IT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND SOME THINGS BUT I CAN SEE THOSE LITTLE WHEELS SPINNING IN ITS LITTLE HEAD SOME DAYS, OTHER DAYS-THE CAT CANNOT DEAL WITH THE SITUATIONS AND RESORTS TO EITHER FIGHT OR FLIGHT MODE OR IS JUST SCARED OF EVERYTHING.  I GET LIKE THAT MYSELF SO I UNDERSTAND IT.   TODAY I FOUND MYSELF IN A AITUATION THAT SICKENED ME…MY DAD HAD CALLED THE VET AND WAS GOING TO HAVE THE PSYCHOTIC CAT PUT DOWN BECAUSE IT IS LIVING WITH A LOT OF FEAR, AND I GUESS MY DAD THOUGHT IT BETTER TO THROW THE CAT AWAY IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING RATHER THAN HELP TRAIN IT TO DEAL WITH LIFE WITHOUT BEING PARALIZED BY FEAR.  I STILL HAVE LOTS OF FEARS THAT MOST PEOPLE DO NOT SEE BECAUSE I AM TRYING MY BEST TO DEAL WITH THESE FEARS BY MYSELF, I DO NOT HAVE ANY PSYCIATRIC DOCTORS TO HELP ME ANYMORE SO I DEAL WITH THESE THINGS THE BEST I CAN AND NOW I WONDER HAS MY DADDY THOUGHT OF GETTING RID OF ME?  HE DOES NOT BELEIVE A WORD I SAY ABOUT THE SOUNDS THAT PLAGUE ME OR ABOUT THE HACKING I AM STILL DEALING WITH TO THIS VERY DAY BECAUSE HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND ANY OF THE TECHNICAL STUFF.   NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT MY PARNTS DID WITH ME WHEN I WAS A KID, BECAUSE I WAS LOOKED UPON AS INCORRIGIBLE AS A CHILD, BOTH OF MY PARENTS DID THEIR BEST TO THROW ME AWAY JUST LIKE THEY DID THEIR MARRIAGE WHICH WAS NOT WORKING OUT, THEY BOTH DID THE SAME THINGS BUT IN DIFFERENT MANNERS, MY MOM PUT ME IN FOSTER HOMES AND MENTAL HEALTH FACILITIES AND MY DAD FARMED ME AND MY SISTER OUT TO WHOMEVER HE COULD PAY TO TAKE CARE OF US WHILE HE WAS DOING WHATEVER IT WAS HE DID BACK THEN, PART OF THE TIME WE LIVED WITH MY AUNT MARTHA AND UNCLE CHUCK AND THOSE WERE THE BEST DAYS OF MY CHILDHOOD AND WHEN THEY WERE GONE, I WAS GOTTEN RID OF FIRST TO A FOSTER HOME AND A FEW YEARS LATER MY KID SISTER WAS PUT IN FOSTER CARE TOO.  I DO NOT KNOW WHY I WAS NOT VALUED MORE BY MY PARENTS BUT I AM POSITIVE MY BEING THE INCORRIGIBLE ONE IS WHAT MADE ME THE FIRST TO GO INTO FOSTERCARE… BECAUSE I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MY PARENTS BREAKING UP OUR HOME I WAS LOOKED UPON AS SOMETHING TO BE GOTTEN RID OF AS TOO MUCH TROUBLE TO KEEP.  THIS CAT HAS CHANGED SO MUCH FROM WHEN I FIRST MET IT YOU WOULD NOT EVEN RECOGNISE IT AS THE SAME CAT.   YEAH, SOME DAYS THE CAT HIDES AND IS SCARED OF ITS OWN SHADOW BUT OTHER DAYS IT IS SO LOVING THAT IT GETS IN THE WAY OF EVERYTHING.   WHAT THE CAT NEEDS IS WHAT I NEEDED BACK THEN-SOMEONE WITH THE TIME TO TEACH IT HOW TO BEHAVE.   IF I HAD GOTTEN THAT-I WOULD HAVE TURNED OUT MUCH DIFFERENT, BUT I DID NOT GET THAT SO I GREW UP UNWANTED AND REPELLED BY ALL DUE TO MY BEHAVIOR.   I DROVE PEOPLE AWAY ON PURPOSE, I GUESS IN MY ATTEMPTS TO GET ATTENTION, I DID NOT KNOW WHO TO BEHAVE, IT WAS NOT AN ACT. I JUST DID NOT KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE LIKE A LADY AND NO ONE REALLY HAD THE TIME OR THE PATIENCE TO DEAL WITH THE WILD ONE AND I WAS THROWN OUT.  BACK TO THE CAT…IT IS NOT LIKE IT IS A FEMALE CAT PRODUCING A LITTER OF KITS EVERY COUPLE MONTHS AND MAKING ALL FEEL GUILTY LOOKING AT THE STARVED CREATURES AS THEY TRY THEIR BEST TO GET SOME ATTENTION AND FOOD, THE BASIC NEEDS OF EVERY CREATURE.  THE ONLY THING REALLY WRONG WITH OUR CAT IS IT A FLEA BITTEN RUG WITH A CATTITUDE THAT CHANGES AS SWIFLY AS MY BI POLAR MANIA DOES AND IT IS DEALING WITH IT THE ONLY WAY IT KNOWS HOW TO, IT GETS SCARED AND HEADS FOR DADDYS LAP, ITS ONLY SAFE PLACE NOW THAT I AM HERE… I KNOW WHY DADDY IS KIND OF TIRED OF THE THING IN HIS LAP AS IT HAS TO BE HOT ON THE LAP FOR HOURS EVERY DAY BUT THAT IS NO REASON TO HAVE IT PUT DOWN WHEN WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO TEACH THE ANIMAL TO SIT NEXT TO US.  IF THAT LIITLE ANIMAL ONLY KNEW WHAT MY DADDY WAS THINKING THIS MORNING I BET HE WOULD NOT BE ON HIS LAP LIKE HE HAS BEEN.   IT WOULD FEEL BETRAYED.  AND THAT IS HOW I FEEL EVERY TIME MY DAD TELLS ME THE SOUND I AM BEING TORTURED WITH IS BULLSHIT.  THIS SOUND IS SOMETHING THAT OTHERS HAVE HEARD, POLICE AND CLINIC STAFF INCLUDED AND WHEN SOMEONE DOUBTS THAT IT IS TRUE JUST BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HEAR IT, I WONDER IF THEY THINK EVERYTHING I SAY IS FALSE.  TO BE CALLED A LIAR ABOUT SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT REALLY SUCKS BUT IT SUCKS MORE FOR THOSE IS THE CARE OF THOSE WHO DO NOT BELIEVE US.   MY FORMER MENTAL HEALTH PROVIDER ACTED THE SAME WAY MY DAD DOES…THEY COULD NOT HELP ME SO THEY TRIED TO GET ME PUT IN AN INSTITUTION AS BEING GRAVELY DISABLED.   AND IF YOU THINK THIS IS BULLSHIT, I HAVE THE POLICE REPORT WHERE THEY CONSPIRED TO KEEP ME ON A MENTAL HEALTH HOLD AS LONG AS POSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO READ, I MAY EVEN POST IT ON THE WEB AS IT IS QUITE A FUNNY THING TO READ ABOUT YOURSELF…ESPECIALLY THE PART WHERE THE COPS LISTED MY RACE AS ‘BLACK’…YOU WOULD GET A LAUGH OUT OF HOW I DEALT WITH THAT AS I DREW A SHIRT THAT READ ‘black lives matter’.   I FELT OUTRAGED THAT BECAUSE THEY COULD NOT HELP ME THAT THIER RECOURSE WAS GETTINGME PUT IN A LONG TERM MENTAL HEALTH HOLD MUCH LESS THAT THEY SAW ME AS BEING A NIGGER…  SO BEFORE YOU JUDGE ANYONE OR ANYTHING DEALING WITH A SITUATION THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE, INCLUDING MY DADDY THINKING A CAT WAS AS DISPOSABLE AS HIS KIDS WERE WHEN HE WAS A DRINKER, YOU MAY WANT TO TRY AND PLACE A DOLLAR VALUE ON THE THING BEFORE THROWING IT AWAY BEAUSE SOMETIMES YOU CANNOT GET BACK WHAT IS THOWN OUT.  AND I ONLY PUT IT THAT WAY BECAUSE MONEY SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY MEASURE OF WORTH PEOPLE UNDERSTAND…ME, MONEY IS NOT MY GOD. I HATE THE STUFF.  YOU CANNOT SCREW IT EAT IT OR GET LOVE FROM IT AND IT IS WHAT PEOPLE KILL FOR.   THE THINGS I VALUE ARE THE HARDEST THINGS TO COME BY…CARE, HONESTY, HOPE AND LOVE.  THE THINGS I NEVER HAVE HAD.  BUT I AM STILL SEEKING THESE THINGS EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I MAY NEVER FIND THEM, MAYBE I SHOULD SIGN UP TO FARMERS.COMhehehe writing done by karin wrape 8-9-17  and for you daddy…you get rid of ME before you ever think of harming that cat.ONE LAST THING…THE DVR AND TV SERVICE THAT SHOULD BE CUT OFF WAS RECORDING PROGRAMS THIS MORNING.  AND SOMEONE STILL IS ADDING A WHOLE LOT OF ADULT PROGRAMMING AND SPORTS CHANNELS TO THE THING TO THIS VERY MINUTE THERE ARE ABOUT 175 CHANNELS I KEEP TRYING TO LOCK DOWN FROM THE PEOPLE HACKING IT

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