I JOINED A DATING SITE CAUSE I DO NOT KNOW ANYONE HERE BUT I FIND MYSELF THINKING HARD WHEN ASKED WHY I THINK ONE MAY BE OUT OF MY LEAGUE AND WHAT I CAME UP WITH SURPRISED ME AS I ALWAYS THOUGHT PRETTY HIGHLY OF MYSELF.  I ACTUALLY LABELLED MYSELF AS ‘less than ordinary)…THE REASON IS I GUESS I NEVER FELT VERY NORMAL.   THE WHOLE EATING DINNER AT,A,TABLE WITH A FAMILY I NEVER GOT, I GOT THE FOSTERHOME FORCED LABOUR THING.  I WAS CHIEF POTSCUBBER AND, DISH WASHER UNLESS I WAS AN OFFICIAL RUNAWAW, I DID DISHES. I FRIGGIN HATE DOING DISHES.  I ACTUALLY HATE DOING HOUSEWORK AND CONSIDER MYSELF AS LAZY.  I DON’T WANT TO DO DISHES OR HOUSEWORK SO I AVOID THE WHOLE MESS AS A WHOLE AND JUST SIT AND LOOK AT THE PILE THAT IS LEFT OF MY LIFE SITTING IN HEAPS AROUND ME CAUSE I DONT GOT A ROOM OR EVEN A FRIGGIN SHELF TO PUT MY STUFF ON MUCH LESS DRAWERS TO PUT CRAP IN, ITS JUST THE SAME PILE OF MY MEDICAL AND TOYS  THAT I GOT. NO PLACE TO PUT IT NOW THAT I DONT HAVE MY RV.  SO I GUESS THE REASON I CONSIDER MYSELF AS NOT AS GOOD AS SOME PEOPLE WOULD BE BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE A HOME .  NEVER REALLY HAD A HOME, JUST THE VARIOUS APARTMENTS I BEGAN TO RENT WHEN I BECAME DISABLED ENOUGH TO GET SSI.  SO THERE IT IS, PLAIN AS THE NOSE ON MY FACE, I DO NOT FEEL ‘normal’ BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER HAD A REAL HOME OR MUCH OF A FAMILY.  IN THIS CASE I WOULD HAVE TO SAY I AM A PRODUCT OF MY ENVIRONMENT.  BRAD HILLIARD OF EULESS/FORT WORTH TEXAS INTRODUCED ME TO METH AND THAT WAS IT FOR ME HAVING HOMES OF ANY KIND.  JUNKIES DONT GET HOMES.  NOT PART OF THE DEAL WHEN ON DRUGS.  TAKING YOUR HOME, THAT IS ON THE ‘do’ LIST WHEN YOU ARE A DRUG ADDICT.   SO IF I WAS TO THANK ANY ONE SONA BITCH ON THE PLANET FOR ALL HE DID FOR ME, IT WOULD BE BRAD HILLAIRD…WOMAN BEATER AND ALL AROUND USLESS ASSHOLE FOR HIS TREATMENT OF ME AFTER INTRODUCING ME TO METH ALL THOSE YEARS AGO, HE WAS MY FIRST FELONY, IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH FIRE…  I GUESS NOT BEING STABLE AND IN SOME KIND OF FAMILY FUCKED ME UP MORE THAN I REALISED.