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YEP, HAD OVER A WEEK WITHOUT THAT DAMN SOUND AND WAS ALMOST FEELING NORMAL AGAIN BUT I GUESS THE BATTERIES WERE CHANGED IN WHATEVER HAS BEEN PLACED IN HOUSE AND CAR BECAUSE THE FRIGGIN TICKING IS BACK.  IT STARTED IN THE NIGHT, I WOKE UP FROM IT SO THAT MUST BE WHEN BATTERIES ARE BEING CHANGED IN TORTURE DEVICES, UNDERCOVER OF NIGHT.  I DO NOT HAVE TINNITUS.  AT LEAST NOT FOR ABOUT EIGHT DAYS…I HAVE TO ASK WHAT IS DIFFERENT IN MY LIFE THAT CAUSE THE RETURN OF THE ANNOYING NOISE?  NOTHING I HAVE DONE IS DIFFERENT SO IT STILL MUST BE SOME ELECTRONIC DEVICE THAT USES BATTERIES THAT RAN DOWN AND IT TOOK THEM OVER A WEEK TO GET AROUND TO CHANGING THE BATTERIES OUT.            MY DAD IS GETTING WOOD AGAIN AND MY,FRIEND IS LOOKING PRETTY GOOD I GUESS AS HE ASKED FOR HER PHONENUMBER AND INVITED HE TO DINNER TONIGHT!  GOOD FOR HIM!  HE HAS BEEN ALONE A LONG TIME AND I AM GLAD HE LIKES MY FRIEND, KEEP HIM FROM EXPLODING MAYBE, AT LEASTONE OF US IS DATING…I REALLY THOUGHTIT WOULD BE ME THOUGH, HEHEHE    NEXT IS ANOTHER GOOD THING, OUR CAT IS FLEA FREE FINALLY!  I AM NOT LIKING LIVING WITH ALL THESE, DAMN BUGS ANDTHE FLEAS ONTHE CAT WERE OFF THE HOOK, I GOT HIM A FLE COLLAR AND PUT A NICE BELL ON IT BUT THATWAS NOT ENOUGH STILL SO I GOT SOME FLEA AND TICK BODY SPRAY FOR HIM AND DOUSED HIM REAL GOOD.  HE HATED  BEING SOAKED TO THE SKIN WITH THE SPRAY BUT AFTER TEN MINUTES OR SO THE CAT GOT BRUSHED OUT AND PROCEEDED TO SPEND HIS FIRST NIGHT WITHOUT CHEWING AT HIMSELF THANKS TO HIS MAMA MAKING SURE HE HAS ALL HIS NEED MET!  WE NOW HAVE A MUCH HAPPIER FELINE THAT IS EVEN LETTING PEOPLE OTHER THAN ME PICK HIM UP!  MY AUNT MARTHA HAD THE CAT IN HER ARMS THE OTHER DAY, I HAVE PRETTY MUCH BEEN THE ONLY PERSON CAPABLE OF PICKING HIM UP SO LOOKS LIKE I REALLY HAVE IMPROVED THE MENTAL STATE OF OUR PSYCHOTIC KITTY!  I KNOW I HAVE VASTLY IMPROVED OUR CATS LIFE, AT LEAST I AM HELPING, AND THAT IS ALL I EVER WANTED, TO BE OF HELP…                                                             

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I JOINED A DATING SITE CAUSE I DO NOT KNOW ANYONE HERE BUT I FIND MYSELF THINKING HARD WHEN ASKED WHY I THINK ONE MAY BE OUT OF MY LEAGUE AND WHAT I CAME UP WITH SURPRISED ME AS I ALWAYS THOUGHT PRETTY HIGHLY OF MYSELF.  I ACTUALLY LABELLED MYSELF AS ‘less than ordinary)…THE REASON IS I GUESS I NEVER FELT VERY NORMAL.   THE WHOLE EATING DINNER AT,A,TABLE WITH A FAMILY I NEVER GOT, I GOT THE FOSTERHOME FORCED LABOUR THING.  I WAS CHIEF POTSCUBBER AND, DISH WASHER UNLESS I WAS AN OFFICIAL RUNAWAW, I DID DISHES. I FRIGGIN HATE DOING DISHES.  I ACTUALLY HATE DOING HOUSEWORK AND CONSIDER MYSELF AS LAZY.  I DON’T WANT TO DO DISHES OR HOUSEWORK SO I AVOID THE WHOLE MESS AS A WHOLE AND JUST SIT AND LOOK AT THE PILE THAT IS LEFT OF MY LIFE SITTING IN HEAPS AROUND ME CAUSE I DONT GOT A ROOM OR EVEN A FRIGGIN SHELF TO PUT MY STUFF ON MUCH LESS DRAWERS TO PUT CRAP IN, ITS JUST THE SAME PILE OF MY MEDICAL AND TOYS  THAT I GOT. NO PLACE TO PUT IT NOW THAT I DONT HAVE MY RV.  SO I GUESS THE REASON I CONSIDER MYSELF AS NOT AS GOOD AS SOME PEOPLE WOULD BE BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE A HOME .  NEVER REALLY HAD A HOME, JUST THE VARIOUS APARTMENTS I BEGAN TO RENT WHEN I BECAME DISABLED ENOUGH TO GET SSI.  SO THERE IT IS, PLAIN AS THE NOSE ON MY FACE, I DO NOT FEEL ‘normal’ BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER HAD A REAL HOME OR MUCH OF A FAMILY.  IN THIS CASE I WOULD HAVE TO SAY I AM A PRODUCT OF MY ENVIRONMENT.  BRAD HILLIARD OF EULESS/FORT WORTH TEXAS INTRODUCED ME TO METH AND THAT WAS IT FOR ME HAVING HOMES OF ANY KIND.  JUNKIES DONT GET HOMES.  NOT PART OF THE DEAL WHEN ON DRUGS.  TAKING YOUR HOME, THAT IS ON THE ‘do’ LIST WHEN YOU ARE A DRUG ADDICT.   SO IF I WAS TO THANK ANY ONE SONA BITCH ON THE PLANET FOR ALL HE DID FOR ME, IT WOULD BE BRAD HILLAIRD…WOMAN BEATER AND ALL AROUND USLESS ASSHOLE FOR HIS TREATMENT OF ME AFTER INTRODUCING ME TO METH ALL THOSE YEARS AGO, HE WAS MY FIRST FELONY, IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH FIRE…  I GUESS NOT BEING STABLE AND IN SOME KIND OF FAMILY FUCKED ME UP MORE THAN I REALISED.

STAR TREK AT 6:40 am… I HAVE DEALT WITH WORSE.   NO SOUND FOR THE SEOND MORNING IN A ROW, BUT I WAS WOKEN UP BY IT TRYING TO START AT 12:25am.  GUESS WE WILL SEE HOW THIS DAY TURNS OUT BUT FOR NOW I GOTTA GET UP AND START JOGGING THE FIVE MILES I RUN A DAY ON MY TREADMILL, I GET FIVE MILES DONE BY 2pm at 3/4 A MILE EVERY HOUR STARTING AT 8 am.   LAST WEEK I WAS DOING A HALF MILE EVERY HOUR NEXT WEEK IT WILL BE ONE MILE AN HOUR TO SEE WHICH WORKS BEST.

RATHER IRRITATING TODAY…THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DESCRIBE THE AUDIO TORTURE AS TODAY AND I AM SURE THE CAT WOULD AGREE AS IT IS STUCK TO DADDY AND SITTING WITH EARS FLAT TO ITS SKULL.   I HAVE RETREATED TO THE ROOM WITH THE LEAST AMOUNT OF NOISE, THE BATHROOM.   YEAH, I GOT TO SIT ON THE FLOOR BUT IT IS A LOT BETTER THAN BEING ANYWHERE NEAR THE LIVING ROOM WITH ALL THOSE FLOOR VENTS.  I MAY HAVE TO SLEEP IN HERE TO GET AWAY FROM THAT GODDAM SOUND.

ANOTHER GREAT DAY AHEAD LISTNING TO THE SOUND OF WIND FROM A FAN, THE GOD AWFUL HISSING SOUND CURRENTLY ASSAULTING ME AND MY DADS TV AT 80 DAMN DECIBELS…IF IT WAS NOT SO FRIGGIN PITIFUL TO ENDURE, I WOULD BE CRYING.  THE IPAD WILL NO LINGER PLAY SOUND CORRECTLY THRU HEADPHONES SO I CANNOT WATCH MOST MOVIES EVEN IF THE JERKS STILL HACKING ME LET ME PLAY ONE.  I GAVE MY COUSINS KIDS A PC TO PLAY AROUND WITH AND AM WAITING FOR THEM TO FIND WHERE THE KIDS LEFT THE THING SO I CAN TRY TO PLUG MY IPAD INTO THE PC AND GET SUPPORT TO HELP ME SEE IF RELOADING THE AUDIO DRIVERS WILL FIX THE PORT OR JUST WATCH MOVIES ON THE OLD PC THAT USED TO HAVE WORKING AUDIO…AT LEAST I THINK IT WAS WORKING AS IT WAS SAMPLING AIDIOMAT 22050 Hz and 44100 Hz CAPTURING THE NOISE I AM NEING TORTURED WITH.  JUST ANOTHER FOR OF DENIAL OF SERVICE… I NEVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED HAVING TO LISTEN TO SOMEONE ELSES TV AT 80 DECIBELS.  AND THE SAME MOVIES OVER AND OVER AND OVER.  I AM GETTING DEPRESSED SITTINGHERE THE WHOLE DAY BY MYSELF WHILE DAD WATCHES THE SAME MOVIES OVER AND OVER WITH THE VOLUME AT FULL BLAST AS WELL AS DEAL WITH THE AUDIO TORTURE I AM  URRENTLY LISTENING TO.   MY EDEMA IS OBVIOUSLY A HEALTH ISSUE AS ME TROTTING FIVE MILES A DAY HAS NOT HAD ANY POSITIVE RESULTS AT ALL, IN FACT MY WEIGHT IS SOME DAYS ADDING FIVE POUNDS BETWEEN MORNING AND NOON AND THAT IS WITHOUT HAVING A SINGLE BITE OF FOOD OR ANYTHING TO DRINK.   I HAD TO DO THE EXPERIMENTS TO DEDUCE THIS.  EVERY SINGLE HOUR ON THE HOUR I RUN  1/2 A MILE UNTIL 5 PM, AND MONITOR MY LIQUID AND FOOD INTAKES METICULOUSLY TO SEE IF MY WEIGHT ISSUE IS FROM BEING LAZY OR FROM SOMETHING ELSE.  I AM ON FIFTY MG OF A PRESCRIPTION WATER PILL SO I SOULD NOT BE HOLDING THIS MUCH WATER AROUND MY MIDDLE.  I AM DYING OF BOREDOM HERE ALWAYS UNDER WATCH IN MY DADS LIVING ROOM AND YOU CAN BET HE FINDS SOMTHING TO BITCH ABOUT EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I DO NOT WANTTO BE HERE AT ALL WITHOUT EVEN A ROOM OF MY OWN TO SLEEP IN OR ANYWHERE TO GET AWAY FROM THE REDICULOUS AMOUNT OF NOISE DADS TV MAKES BUT I AM STUCK TIL I FIND MYSELF ANOTHER RV AND YOU CAN BET YOUR A$$ I AM SAVING EVERY FRIGGIN CENT TO GET MYSLF ANOTHER MOBILE HOME OF MY OWN.  I AM WAITING TIL DAD HAS HIS EYE SURGERIES DONE BEFORE I TAKE A COLORADO BREAK, I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE FOR A WHILE AND GO SMOKE SOME REAL BUDS INSTEAD OF THE GOD AWFUL MEXICAN BRICK WEED GOING AROUND THAT SMELLS LIKE PERFUME. I AM SAVING FOR AN RV OR A TRUCK AND CAMPER OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES BUT I WILL USE SOME OF THAT CASH FOR A COLORADO VACATION,THIS YEAR WAS MY FIRST TIME MISSING THE TREES CHANGE IN 15 YEARS.  SO YES I AM DEPRESSED FOR  SEVERAL REASONS BUT I AM DEALING WITH THEM ALL BY MY SLF AS BEST AS I CAN. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

 

REMEMBER THAT SAYING TO BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR?  NOW THAT KITTY IA HANGING OUT WITH ME AT NIGHTS, I HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT THE CAT LIKES MY COMPANY AND HE IS CONSTANTLY JUMPING UP DOR FOOD AND SITTING ON DADDY, WELL THIS MORNING THE CAT JUMPED RIGHT BACK IN BED WHERE HE HAD SPENT THE NIGHT AND LET OUT ONE RANK ROTTEN EGGSMELLING FART THAT ACTUALLY GOT ME UP OUT OF BED…THE JOYS OF HAVING PETS.  NOW I GOT A FART SACK OF A CAT HANGING OUT WITH ME ALL THE TIME.  HE DONT BRUSH HIS TEETH AND HIS BREATH IS HORRIFIC AND I AM CONTANTLY TELLING THE CAT TO QUIT LICKING HIMSELF CAUSE HE IS GETTING THE FOUL SMELLING SPIT ON THE CAT FURR.  I PERFER HE KEEP HIS CAT MOUTH SHUT BECAUSE OF THE SMELL.  BUT THESE ARE THE GOLDEN DAYS AND I BEST REMEMBER WHAT LIFE WAS LIKE WITHOUT A CAT BEFORE I START WHINING.  LOVE THAT STINKER!

THINGS ARE CHANGING AS I BATTLE THIS HACKING THAT IS STILL AT ME FOUR YEARS DOWN THE ROAD…IT WAS 6-28-13 WHEN I OFFICALLY COUNT CATCHING THE HACKING AND TRIED TO GET DIFFERENT INTERNET WITH A MODEM BUT 7-23-13WAS WHEN I ACTUALLY CAUGHT A NEW USER BEING CREATED IN MY PCS.  THE VPN CONFIG IS DATED 7/23/13  AND THERE WERE A BUNCH OF ADVANCED FIREWALL RULES CREATED WITH THE POWERSHELL COMMAND PROMPT WINDOW ON 8/22/13.  YES, THE NOISE HAS BEEN GIVING ME A KIND OF BREAK, IN FACT I HAVE HAD MORE DAYS WITHOUT THE  OISE THIS YEAR THAN IN THE LAST THREE.  NOW I HAVE SOME ACCOUSTIC TILES TO TRY AND CREAT MYSELF SOME PLACE SAFE TO SLEEP WHERE THE NOISE CANNOT HURT ME WITH WHAT ALL KIND OF WAVES I AM BEING ASSAULTED WITH, I AM NOT SURE IF I AM BEING HIT WITH ONLY ONE KIND OF WAVE, I SUSPECT MICROWAVES AS WELL AS GAMMA.  I WILL JUST HAVE  TO EXPERIMENT WITH MY TILES TO SEE WHAT WORKS.   NEXT THING IS THE ABILITY TO USE HEADPHONES NO LONGER EXISTS FOR ME, MY IPAD WILL NOT PLAY AUDIO PROPERLY ANY MORE  YES I DID TRY SEVERAL TYPES OF HEADPHONES.   THIS AUDIO BEING MESSED WITH SHOWS UP REAL GOOD IN THE DIAGNOSTIC LOGS.  THIS WAS DONE SO I CANNOT WATCH ANYTHING ON MY IPAD WITH SOUND, I CAN STILL DO CLOSED CAPTIONING, BUT AS LOUD AS DAD PLAYS THE TV, I COULD NOT HEAR MUCH OF ANYTHING ANYWAYS, THIS IS JUST MORE OF DENIAL OF SERVICES I SHOULD NOT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH.  GUESS I WILL HAVE TO BREAK OUT O E OF MY HACKED DEVICES TO WATCH MOVIES WITH.  ANYWAYS, BEING DENIED EVERYTHING OTHERS GET IS THE NORM FOR ME, I DID NOT GET ANYTHING BUT CRAP GROWING UP, CRAP FAMILY, CRAP FOSTERHOMES AND MORE CRAP FROM EVERY MAN I EVER MET, NOW I JUST GOT TO SIT HERE DEALING WITH MY HEATH ISSUES WITH NO RESOURCES AND MISSING WATCHING THE SEASONS CHANGE IN MY ROCKY MOUNTAINS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 15 YEARS, AND DOING WITHOUT THE LEGAL WEED I HELP  VOTE IN.  AS SOON AS DAD GETS HISEYE SURGERIES DONE, I AM GOING FOR A SHORT VACATION TO COLORADO.  THAT IS IT, I AM TIRED OF BEING STUCK IN THIS TRAILER ALL DAY AND THE ONLY THING THAT WILL HELP IS GETTING AWAY FROM THIS DULL ACHING BOREDOM AND SMOKING SOME REALLY GOOD BUDS FOR A WEEK.  I AM SAVING MY MONEY FOR A TRIP, JUST NEED TO DECIDE IF I WANT TO RENT A VAN SO I CAN SLEEP IN IT OR WHAT, I MAY GET A MOTEL…OR I MAY START PAYMENTSON A NEW RV.  I AM THINKING OF WAYS I CAN GO WITH THIS, ANY OF MY FAMILY HAS ANY IDEAS FOR MY TRIPS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW AS I AM OPEN TO IDEAS FOR MY TRIPS. OH AND I AM TROTTING FIVE + MILES A DAY ON NY TREADMILL TO KEEP UP WITH THE EDEMA.  I RUN A HALF A MILE EACH HOUR. TOLD YOU IT WAS A BORING LIFE…WRITING DONE BY KARIN WRAPE 10-17-17

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