IF I COULD ONLY GET ACROSS HOW NICE SILENCE IS…AFTER YESTERDAYS BRUTAL ASSAULT THAT MADE THE CAT WIG OUT, IT IS ALL I CRAVE ANYMORE, SILENCE.    NO VIOLENT FAST TAPPING, NO TICKING SOUND AND NO PRESSURE AT ALL…YES, THE CAT FREAKED OUT YESTERDAY-IT WAS WHEN I WAS TRYING TO LOAD A MOVIE AND THE SOUND MADE A VERY STRANGE NOISE THAT HAD THE CAT SCARED SO BAD IT TWISTED AND SCRATCHED ME TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM THE NOISE THEN RAN AND SAT UNDER THE TV.  UNDER THE TV. DID YOU GET THAT? under the tv.  MY DAD PLAYS THE TV AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE SO HE CAN HEAR IT AND THAT IS WHERE THE CAT WENT WAS UNDER THE  OISIEST THING IN THE HOUSE TO TRY AND GET AWAY FROM THE NOISE, HE STAYED THERE TIL BEDTIME.  AT ABOUT THE TIME THE CAT WIGGED I DECIDED TO TRY ANDL LOAD ONE OF MY APPS PREVIOUSLY USED TO GET A DECIBEL READING AND I COULD ONLY LOAD ONE THAT WOULD WORK AND IT SHOWED SOMETHING VERY LOUD, TO THE TIPS OF THE SCALE AND TEN I NOTICED THE SOUND WAS TO BE SEEN ON THE LIGHTS OF DADS MODEM.   THE LIGHTS ON HIS MODEM WERE OCCILATING AT THE EXACT PATTERN OF THE NOISE.  I HAVE SEEN THIS IN THE PAST SEVERAL TIMES, AND USUALLY THE FLASHLIGHTS WILL DIM AT THE EXACT PATTERN OF THE SOUND.  IT WAS VERY NOTICEABLE WHEN I TURNED ON ONE OF THOSE MINI FANS WITH LIGHTS IN THE PLASTIC LITTLE BLADES AND THE LIGHTS ON THE FLOOPY PLASTIC TWIN WINGS OF THE FAN WOULD OCCILATE IN TIME TO THE SOUND I WAS CURRENTLY HEARING, I HAVE MADE RECORDINGS OF THIS AND I THINK I POSTED SOME OF THEM ONLINE…IPAD WILL NO LONGER RECORD ANY VIDEO AND EVEN THOUGH I AM PAYING FORL CLOUD STORAGE I CANNOT GET THINGS TO GO INTO THE CLOUD  AND OFF THE IPAD ENOUGH TO EVEN RECORD ANY VIDEO AT ALL, IF I WANT TO TAKE A PIC OF ANYTHING, I HAVE TO DELETE STUFF.   BACK TO THE SOUND AND IT SINGING IN TIME TO THE LIGHTS ON DADS MODEM, I POINTED IT OUT THAT THE SOUND WAS VISIBLE TO,SEE WHAT I HEAR ON THE MODEM LIGHTS TO DAD BUT HE DOES NOT BELIEVE THIS IS EVEN HAPPENNING SO POINTING THINGS OUT TO SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT BELIEVE YOU IS POINTLESS, I WILL TRY TO CAT H THIS HAPPENNING AGAIN AND RECORD IT WITH MY CAMERA, THEN USE THE CARD READER TO TRANSFER THE VIDEO TO THE IPAD FOR ONLINE UPLOADING. APPLE HAS NOT BEEN ABLE TO HELP ME GET MY IPAD SOME FREE SPACE YET AND I HAVE CALLED THEM SEVERAL TIMES.  I CANNOT GET THE APPS TO RECORD EITHER, SOMETHING HAS CONTROL OF THE MICROPHONES AND NO MATTER WHAT I TRY I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO ENABLE THE MICROPHONE FOR THESE APPS YET. THEY USED TO WORK REAL GOOD, NOW SOMEONE DOES NOT WANT ME USING THESE APPS AS THEY DISCLOSE THE DECIBEL LEVELS I AM DEALING WITH.  I AM TRYING TO PROVE THE SOUND OCCILATES TO OVER 100 DECIBELS AGAIN LIKE I HAVE ALREADY DONE IN THE CAR AND WHEN I DISCOVERED THE SOUND COMING FROM THE FLOOR VENT IN THE KITCHEN AT 100DECIBELS WITH THE AC UNIT OFF.  I GUESS I WILL JUST HAVE TO TRY OUT NEW APPS FOR RECORDING DECIBEL LEVELS TIL I CAN GET ONE TO WORK.   AT TIMES I FEEL HOPELESS BECAUSE OF THIS SOUND AND THE WAY IT DISRUPTS THE ELECTRICAL SIGNALS IN MY BRAIN – THIS IS USUALLY THE SIGNAL I AM FIXING TO BE HIT WITHA TWO DAY MIGRAINE. RECOGNIZING WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A CERTAIN SOUND IS IN THE AREA IS HALF THE BATTLE OF KEEPING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS UNDER CHECK.   I AM NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT THESE SOUNDS INDUCE THOUGHTS OF DESPAIR OR HORROR OF REALISING I AM GOING TO DIE FROM THE NOISE, IF I SAID THEY DO NOT I’D BE LYING.  YES I FEEL ALL MANNER OF DEPRESSION AND DARK THOUGHTS FROM THESE SOUNDS AND THE OTHER NIGHT IN PARTICUAL I NOTICED THE PATTERN HIT ME BEFORE THE MIGRAINE. ASK MY DAD IF HE SAW ME ACTING A BIT WORSE OR MORE DESPONDANT THAN USUAL AND HE WOULD TELL YOU I WAS SAYING SOME VERY DEPRESSING STUFF BUT THEN MIGRAINE HIT AND NO MORE SOUND FROM ME FOR TWO DAYS.  I COULD NOT DO ANYTHING BUT GET UP AND DO MY FOUR TREADMILL SESSIONS THEN GO BACK TO MY CORNER AND LAY ON MY SIDE MUCH LIKE THE DEAD WILD PIG I SAW ROADSIDE A FEW WEEKS BACK, WITH ITS  SWOLLEN MIDSECTION AND FOUR LEGS STICKING STRAIGHT OUT-THAT IS EXACTLY HOW THIS SWELLING OF MY MIDSECTION FEELS, LIKE I AM A BLOATED CARCASS WITH MY BELLY UP AND ALL FOUR LIMBS STICKING OUT FROM THE SWOLLEN GUT.  I WILL NOT HARM MYSELF, JUST THOUGHT FAMILY SHOULD BE AWARE THAT EVEN THOUGH I MAY HAVE THOUGHTS OF ENDING THIS SUFFERING THAT I HAVE MADE A VOW NEVER TO TAKE MY LIFE OVER THIS ISSUE, THERE MAY BE A TIME IN THE FUTURE WHEN MY HEALTH IS SO BAD I WILL  CHOOSE TO END MY PAIN BUT I AM NO WHERE CLOSE TO THAT TIME SO SUICIDE IS NOT A THING FOR ME TO CONSIDER.  I AM READING ABOUT MATERIALS THAT WOULD ABSORB THE MICROWAVES I BELIEVE TO BE THE SOURCE OF THE SOUND AND EVEN FOUND A PLUG IN DEVICE THAT IS A NOISE CANCELLING PLUG FOR YOUR SOCKETS TO OFFSET SOUNDS THROUGH WALLS OF NOISY NEIGHBORS CALLED ‘QLOUD’, IT IS ON YOUTUBE.COM WHEN YOU LOOK UP NOISY NEIGHBORS AND AM SERIOUSLY THINKING THAT IT IS WORTH THE FIFTY BUCKS TO TRY IT OUT AND THEN I SAW A NOISE MACHINE I PLAN TO TRY AND CONSTRUCT MYSELF WITH MY REMAINING CONTRUCTION FAN AND IT WORKS BY AIR RESTRICTION TO PRODUCE  WHITE NOISE I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE THE NESTED COVER FOR THE FAN WHERE YOU CONTROL THE NOISE BY TURNING THE TOP COVER TO COVER UP OR UNCOVER HOLES TO PRODUCE DIFFERENT SOUNDS WITH ONE FAN, THE ONE I SAW IN PARTICULAR WAS CREATED BY DOHM, AND REALLY, IF I CANNOT MAKE THIS THING AFTER SEEING HOW IT WORKS I AM ONE LAME CHICK…I AM ALSO LOOKING INTO CARBON SOUND ABSORBING MATERIALS MICROWAVES ARE JUST ANOTHER TYPE OF SOUND OR LIGHT, THEY ARE ACTUALLY LISTED AS A FORM OF ELECTROMAGNETIC RADIATION THAT OPERATES ON CERTAIN FREQUENCIES AND FREQUENCIES ARE WHAT SOUND WAVES ARE MEASURED IN, SO I KIND OF CATEGORIZE THEM AS SOUND WAVES.  SO THE NEXT QUESTION IS WHAT RANGE OF OBSORBTION IS NEEDED? I CANNOT PINPOINT THE EXACT FREQUENCY SINCE MY APPS WILL NOT WORK BUT ALSO IN RESEARCHING SOUND FOUND THAT FOG IN THE HOUSE LIKE FROM A STEAMY SHOWER OR BOILING A PAN OF WATER, WILL DAMPEN SOUND WAVES.  I HAVE NOT GOTTEN SO DESPARATE AS TO LIVE IN A FRIGGING RAIN FOREST TO TRY AND QUELL THE NOISE…YET. JUST THE FACT THE SOUND HAS STOPPED TODAY IS ENOUGH TO GET MY MIND RIGHT FOR A DAY OR SO, I DO NOT KNOW HOW LONG SILENCE WILL PERSIST BUT EVEN A SHORT TIME IS BETTER THAN NOTHING, AT LEAST FOR THE POOR CAT.  I AM TAKING IT VERY EASY RIGHT NOW TRYING TO RECOVER FROM THIS LAST ASSAULT, BUT SINCE I AM FEELING GOOD ENOUGH TO WRITE, YOU KNOW AT THE VERY LEAST MY CAUSE IS NOT HOPELESS AND THAT IS ENOUGH FOR TODAY, KNOWING THIS IS NOT GOING TO GO ON DAY AFTER DAY WITHOUT A BREAK.  YESTERDAY AFTERNOON WHEN THE CAT FREAKED, I REALISED I KNEW THE SOUND IN PARTICULAR AS THE PUKE POOP URGE SOUND, ONE I AM VERY FAMILIAR WITH SO LOOKS LIKE MY TORTURERS ARE RUNNING THE WHOLE SOUND SPECTRUM AT ME TO CAUSE THE MOST DAMAGE AND HAVE CIRCLED BACK TO THAT ONE PARTICULAR SOUND AGAIN IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE ME SICK AGAIN.  THIS WOULD EXPLAIN THE CAT THROWING UP SO MUCH TOO.   I AM DONE WRITING FOR THE ,MOMENT SO THE THREE PEOPLE WHO ARE CONSISTANTLY READING THIS WRITING, I HOPE ONE OF YOU WILL TAKE A MOMENT TO LEAVE A SINGLE COMMENT OF YOUR CHOICE, WHETHER YOU WANT TO CALL ME A NUT OR WHATEVER, JUST A SINGLE WORD WOULD BE APPRECIATED. WRITING DONE BY KARIN WRAPE 10-1-17 JUST OVER FOUR YEARS I HAVE BEEN DOCUMENTING THIS SOUND INVADING MY LIFE.

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AFTER WRITING THE LAST ARTICLE, I MYSELF WENT TO YOUTUBE.COM AND LOOKED UP ELECRONIC WEAPONS AND WATCHED THE DISCREET SOLUTIONS  IDEO AND GOT THE NAME OF THE DEVICE THEY FOUND IN  WOMANS HOME, IT IS CALLED THE MIND MOLESTER 2.  I THEN GOOGLED THAT AND FOUND THEY HAVE CREATED MORE DEVICES OF THIS NATURE…SOMETHING VERY EASY TO HIDE IN HOME OR VEHICLE BUT NOT TO GO UNNOTICED AS THE SOUND EMITTED IS EXTREMELY PAINFUL, IF I COULD DO APHYSICAL  SEARCH OF  DADS CAR BEHIND THE REAR PASSENGER SEAT I AM SURE I WOULD FIND SOMETHING OF THIS NATURE.   MY UNCLE BILL JUST GOT A VERY NICE ELECTRONICE FIELD DETECTOR I THINK…HE GOT A REAL NICE DEVICE TO HELP HIM WITH HISMELECTRIC PROBLEMS AT HOME, I WONDER IF HIS NEW TOY WOULD BE ABLE TO DETECT SOMETHING LIKE THIS MIND MOLESTER DEVICE?  OUR POOR  CAT IS YOWLING WHEN THIS NOISE GETS BAD, LIKE IT IS NOW AND IS LITERALLY ONCESSIVELY REMOVING ALL HIS HAIR OR IT IS LIKE MINE, FALLING OUT.  THE CAT NOW HAS A NUMBER OF BALD AREAS ON IT AND WILL NOT STOP CONSTANT LICKING OF HIS FURR, LOTS MORE THAN A CAT WOULD NORMALLY LICK ITSELF, WHEN THE CAT SLEPT WITH ME, IT WAS AT IT THE WHOLE NIGHT.  I WONDER IF MY COUSINS HUSBAND IS SMART ENOUGH TO USE SOME KIND OF ELECTRONIC FIELD METER TO HELP ME PIN POINT THE LOCATION OF WHATEVER IS IN THE CAR, AT LEAST AS I CAN CLEARLY HEAR THE SOUND  OMING FROM BEHIND THE REAR PASSENGER SEAT WHEN IN IT AND THE SOUND LOOPS TO 100 DECIBELS WHEN THE CAR IS NOT RUNNING.   THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY KIND OFSOUND IN THE CAR, MUCH LESS SOMETHING THAT HITS 100 decibels.

 

I AM SITTING IN THIS GOD AWFUL NOISE LISTENING TO THE CAT YOWL WITH ITS EARS BACK.  I AM DEALING WITH SOME PRETTY DEPRESSING STUFF MYSELF AND FEEL LIKE YOWLING MYSELF AS I REALIZE I AM FIXING TO BE THE THIRD WOMAN WHO DIES IN THIS TRAILER.   I FINALLY GOT A DOCTOR TO TAKE ME ON AS A PATIENT AND GOT MY BLOODWORK BACK AND WAS SHOCKED BY THE RESULTS AS THEY SHOWED I HAD REVERSED THE HEP C1 AND THE HEP B TO SHOWING AS NEGATIVE!  I HAD HEARD OF SOMEONE I KNEW IN MY PAST DOING THIS BUT SHE DID NOT HAVE HEP C 1 OR HAVE IT FOR AS MANY YEARS AS I HAVE BUT SHE DID CLAIM TO HAVE GOTTEN RID OF HEP C.  I THINK I HAVE DONE WHAT MY FORMER FRIEND MY PET SNAKE GINA FREIMANTIS DID…I NOW HAVE NO ACTIVE HEPATITIS IN MY BLOODWORK AT ALL!!!  BUT THERE WERE SOME OTHER THINGS THAT HAVE DEVELOPED SINCE COMING TO TEXAS AND I AM SURE THEY DIRECTLY RELATE TO EXTREMELY HIGH CHOLESTEROL LEVELS I DID NOT HAVE BEFORE COMING HERE.  MY DOC EVEN AGREED THAT THIS IS SOMETHING NEW, A LDL OF 320, THAT IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL MY DOCTOR HAD EVER SEEN, HE TOLD ME AND PUT ME ON A STATIN DRUG.    I HAVE NEVER HAD HIGH CHOLESTEROL LEVELS SO SINCE THE NOISE I AM BEING ASSAULTED WITH IS THE ONLY THING THAT IS INCREASING IN MY LIFE THE HIGH CHOLESTEROL LEVELS MUST BE DIRECTLY RELATED TO ME BEING STUCK IN THIS TRAILER WITH THE SOUND ON A CONSTANT BASIS  AND MY CORTISOL LEVELS WHICH REGULATE ADRENAL FUNCTION ARE BEING NEGATIVELY AFFECTED BECAUSE OF THIS AND THE STRESS OF ALL THISIS CAUSING DEPRESSION I FELT COMING THE OTHER DAY WHEN THE SOUND INCREASED TO THE POINT OF BEING EXTREMELY PAINFUL.                   THE OTHER NIGHT I HEARD THE SOUND TURN INTO A TICKING SO FAST AND VIOLENT I COULD NOT HAVE COUNTED THE TICS OCCURING IN A SINGLE MINUTE IF I WANTED TO THEY WERE SO FAST, AND I FELT THIS HORROR CONSUME ME AS I REALIZED I WAS GOING TO DIE FROM BEING HERE AND A LOT FASTER THAT I EARLIER THOUGHT AS MY WEIGHT HAS TAKEN AN ALARMING TURN OF MEGAINING FIVE POUNDS IN HOURS AND THIS HAPPENNING OVER AND OVER, THESE EXTREME INCREASES, AND ALL ON DAYS WHEN I HAVE NOTED THE TAPPING  SOUND BEING ‘VIOLENT’…  I AM DOING EVERYTHING I CAN TO STOP THIS EXTREME  WEIGHT GAIN FROM OCCURRING BUT I CANNOT KEEP UP WITH IT ON MY TREADMILL AS I AM UP TO THREE MILES A DAY AND STILL I AM INCREASING MY WEIGHT BY SOMETIMES FIVE POUNDS BETWEEN WAKING AND NOON.  I HAVE QUIT DRINKING FLUIDS NOW IN AN EFFORT TO STOP THIS WATER WEIGHT BUT ANYONE LOOKING AT ME COULD SEE I AM SWELLING UP IN MY MIDSECTION BAD ON THE RIGHT SIDE.  MY FACE AND ARMS ARE NOT COLLECTING WATER, MY HANDS ARE COMPLETELY DRAINED BUT MY FEET ARE KILLING ME AND POUNDING LIKE MY HEARTBEAT IS IN THEM.  I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH THIS WATER AROUND MY LUNGS MUCH LONGER BUT AT LEAST I HAVE AN IDEA WHY I FEEL LIKE I AM DYING AND GETTING DEPRESSED. IT IS THE SOUND.  AND ANYONE WHO THINKS THIS IS TINNITUS SHOULD KNOW THAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN HEAR THIS NOISE, INCLUDING POLICE OFFICERS BACK WHEN I WAS IN SUMMIT COUNTY, COLORADO, AND THEY HEARD THE SOUND COMING OUT OF MY RV WHILE THEY WERE STANDING NEXT TO IT.  IF OTHER PEOPLE HEAR IT, IT CANNOT BE TINNITUS.  THE CAT CONFIRMS WHAT I HEAR, IT WILL NOT GO IN THE CORNER WHERE MY BED IS AND IF FORCED TO COME SIT WITH ME, ITS EARS ARE STRAIGHT BACK IN AN EFFORT TO KEEP THE SOUND OUT OF ITS HEAD.   THE CATS BODY LANGUAGE AGAIN IS VERY CLEARLY SAYING WHAT I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU ALL ALONG-THE AUDIO AND VIDEO BUSINESS I CAUGHT HACKING MY PCS IS STILL AT ME AND HAVE PLACED SOME KIND OF DEVICE UNDER THIS TRAILER THAT IS CAUSING A NOISE THAT EXCEEDS ONE HUNDRED DECIBELS OR MORE AT TIMES.  LOUD SOUNDS IN EXCESS OF 50 DECIBELS HAVE VERY NEGATIVE EFFECTS ON METABOLISM  SO THIS WOULD EXPLAIN THE LETHARGY I AM DEALING WITH AS THE SOUND GETS WORSE AND MY SLEEP IS DIRECTLY EFFECTED AS THE FRIGGIN SOUND KEEPS ME AWAKE OR WAKES ME UP VERY EARLY IN THE MORNING, WAY BEFORE THE CAT IS UP AND DEMANDING FOOD.  THE EXTREMELY HIGH LDL LEVELS THEMSELVES CAUSE A NUMBER OF NEUROLOGICAL PROBLEMS AS WELL…I SWEAR I COULD FEEL THE DEPRESSION BUILDING UP THE OTHER DAY AS I SAT IN THE TICKING SOUND TO THE POINT I WAS IN A STATE OF DESEPAIR  WHEN I GOT HIT WITH THE MIGRAINE THE OTHER DAY.  IT LASTED TWO DAYS AND I AM JUST NOW ABLE TO SIT UPRIGHT, THE DEPRESSION AND PAIN FROM THE SWOLLEN SIDE LEFT ME JUST LAYING ON THE FLOOR LIKE A DEAD THING AND EVEN DAD BITCHING AT ME FOR ANY NIT PICKING THING DID NOT BREAK THROUGH THE DEPRESSION AND PAIN THAT LEFT ME HIDING FROM LIGHT UNDER A MAKESHIFT BLANKET AND CUSHION CAVE, I JUST LAY ON THE NOT AS SWOLLEN SIDE BELLY UP SMELLING AMMONIA COMING FROM MY SKIN AND THINKING ABOUT BEING THE THIRD WOMAN WHO WAS GOING TO DIE IN THIS TRAILER…I REALLY HAVE BEEN DOING EVERYTHING I CAN TO ARREST FUTHER DAMAGESBY THE SUDDEN WEIGHT GAINS THAT AT TIMES AREOVER FIVE POUNDS IN A SINGLE DAY BUT MY DOCTOR AGREES THAT I SIMPLY CANNOT KEEP UP WITH THIS MUCH FLUID RETENTION TROTTING ON A TREADMILL, MY THYROID LEVELS WERE EXTREMELY LOW  BUT I ALREADY KNEW THAT.   I JUST WONDER HOW MUCH WEIGHT I AM GOING TO GAIN LAYING HERE IN THIS CONSTANT PAINFUL NOISE.   LIVING HERE IS DEFINITELY KILLING ME AND HAVING VERY NEGATIVE EFFECTS ON MY BODY…AND NO ONEBELIEVES THIS IS HAPPENNING AS THEY DO NOT HEAR IT. I HOWEVER HAVE HEARD THE SOUND CHANGE AND EVEN STOP AT TIMES.  I KEEP LOGS OF HOW THIS SOUND IS DAILY SO I KNOW FOR A FACT WHEN IT RAMPS UP, LIKE IT IS DOING RIGHT NOW AS I SIT HERE TYPING, I GET PAIN AND FEEL SWOLLEN AROUND MY CHEST WORSE THAN USUAL.  YOUEOPLE SHOULD BE TRYING TO FIND WAYS TO HELP ME PROVE THERE IS SOMETHING IN MY VICINITY CAUSING THIS SOUND THAT IS COMING DIRECTLY FROM THE KITCHEN AREAOF MY DADS HOME AND FROM THE REAR PASSENGER SIDE OF HIS CAR WHEN I AM IN IT.   I WIULD LOVE FOR YOU ALL TO WATCH A YOUTUBE VIDEO MADE BY DISCREETDEVICES.COM THAT I SAW ON YOUTUBE IN WHICH THEY SHOW A SMALL DEVICE THAT PRODUCES EXACTLY THE NOISE I AM BEING ASSAULTED WITH.  I MERELY TYPED ELECTRONIC WEAPONS INTO THE SEARCH BOX AND HEARD THE EXACT SOUND I AM BEING TORTURED WITH ON THIER VIDEO.  NOW I AM FINDING OUT OTHER WAYS TO DETECT THE ELECTRONIC NOISE WITH AN AM RADIO BUT WHAT REALLY NEEDS DONE IS GET AN ELECTRONIC FIELD DETECTOR AND DO A PHYSICAL SEARCH AROUND THE AREA OF THE KITCHEN UNDER THIS TRAILER  AND IN THE REAR PASSENGER AREA OF THE CAR TO FIND WHAT HAS BEEN PLACED IN THESE AREAS  PRODUCING THE 100 DECIBELS OF NOISE.  IF I FELT JUST A BIT BETTER I WOULD DO THESE THINGS BUT I AM DEALING NOT ONLY WITH DEPRESSION, SWELLING AND NO SLEEP, I CANNOT GET UNDER THE TRAILER MYSELF.  SO ANYONE IN MY FAMILY WHO MAY HAVE AN ELECTRONIC FIELD DETECTOR, PLEASE BRING IT OVER SO I CAN DO A SWEEP. BEFORE I AM UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING AT ALL TO SAVE MYSELF.

 

TODAY WAS ONE FOR THE BOOKS.  ON MY WAYS BACK FROM A DOCTORS OFFICE  I SEE A RED HEADED CHICKEN FLYING OVERHEAD AS I NEARED MY DADS HOME AND ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WAS A LARGE FEMALE BUZZARD WITH A WING FLIPPED OVER AND UNABLE TO FLY.  I WENT HOME AND LOOKED FOR SOME AGENCY THAT HELPED WILD ANIMALS THAT ARE HURT BUT ONLY ABLE TO TALK WITH ONE VET THAT DEALT WITH INJURED RAPTORS AND I GOT THE QUICK AND DIRTY VERSION OF WHAT SHE WOULD DO, WERE SHE ABLE TO-TRY TO TWIST THE FLIPPED OVER WING AROUND AND IF THE WING WERE TOO BADLY DAMAGED, SHOOT THE POOR CREATURE.  MY DAD WAS KIND OF SHOCKED WHEN I PICKED UP ONE OF MY BLANKETS AND HEADED FOR THE CAR WITH IT AND I TOLD HIM I SIMPLY COULD NOT DO NOTHING AFTER SEEING AN ANIMAL IN PAIN LIKE THAT AND PROCEEDED ON.  I THREW THE BLANKET OVER IT AND MANAGED TO TWIST THE WING AROUND A BIT BEFORE THE POOR CREATURE SKITTERED OFF INTO THE THICK UNDERBRUSH AND IT WAS MOVING BETTER THAN IT WAS BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I DO NOT SEE THE BIRD MAKING IT THRU.  NATURE IS NOT BEING CRUEL INTENTIONALLY-THIS IS THE WAY OF WILD THINGS, LIVE FAST AND REPRODUCE IS THE MOST YOU CAN HOPE FOR BEFORE YOU END UP SOMETHINGS DINNER.   I JUST WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD RISK GETTING A GOOD STRONG PECK WITH THE BEAK OF A WILD BUZZARD TO TRY AND HELP IF THEY SAW IT HURT LIKE I DID… ONE OF THOSE THINGS YOU CANNOT UNSEE.  THE ONLY OTHER THING ABOUT TODAY IS THE SOUND ASSAULT IS PRETTY BAD TODAY WITH THE VERY FAST TAPPING SOUND IN THE KITCHEN AREA KEEPING ME IN MY PILLOW FORT ON THE COUCH TRYING TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM THE SOUNDWAVES HITTING MY BODY BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE, NOW I AM GETTING NOSEBLEEDS.  I THOUGHT I WAS SWEATING FROM BEING ON THE LAST 3/4 MILE JOG OF THE DAY, AND I LOOK DOWN AND INSTEAD OF SWEAT I SEE BLOOD ALL DOWN THE FRONT OF MY TOP AND BLOOD SPATTERS ON MY ANKLES.  THIS SOUND IS CAUSING ME TO HAVE NOSEBLEEDS. GREAT.  WHATS NEXT? ANAL BLEEDING? JUST ONE MORE REASON FOR ME TO ENJOY EVERY SINGLE BITE OF THE COOKIES I MADE THIS MORNING WITH PLENTY OF COLD MILK, BEST ENJOY THE GOOD STUFF WHILE I STILL CAN…MY DAD IS GETTING ON ME FOR DRINKING THE MILK SAYING IT HAS A LOT OF FAT AND WILL CAUSE ME TO GET FAT BUT DAMN…I DONT HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF ANYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT A DADDY WATCHING EVERY SINGLE BITE I EAT AND TELLING ME I AM GONNA GET FAT.  I HAVE EDEMA PROBLEMS CAUSING WATER TO GATHER AROUND MY ORGANS AND JUST WENT TO A DOCTOR YESTERDAY TO GET BLOODWORK AND A FLU SHOT AND REFERRALS TO OTHER  DOCTORS, AND I WAS ABLE TO SHOW THE DOCTOR MY CLOUDY URINE SAMPLE BEFORE IT WAS SENT OFF, THE DOCTOR NEEDS TO SEE JUST HOW CLOUDY IT IS SO HE KNOWS ALL THE PARTICULARS OF MY HEALTH ISSUES SO HE CAN HELP ME BEST AND I AM SURE HE WAS QUITE SURPRISED I WOULD NOTICE SOMETHING LIKE THAT BUT I NOTICE MOST EVERY ISSUE THAT RELATES TO MY HEALTH PRETTY QUICK SO A NOSEBLEED LIKE THIS IS DEFINITELY GOING DOWN IN MY DAILY LOGS AND WILL BE TOLD TO THE DOC AS SOON AS I GO BACK TO DISCUSS MY BLOODWORK, TIL THEN , I WILL TROT MY TWO AND A HALF MILES ON MY TREADMILL AND ENJOY EVERY SINGLE BITE OF COOKIE I WANT AS YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU WILL GET YOUR LAST ONE…MMMMMDADDY COOKIES……………..I AM DOING THE WORK TO TRY AND BATTLE THE EDEMA AND TO TRY AND GET AHOLD OF THE DOCTORS I NEED TO HELP ME TAKE CARE OF MYSELF TIL ME AND THE DOC GET THEM BLOODWORK RESULTS BACK I AM GONNA ENJOY EVERY COOKIE LIKE IT COULD BE MY LAST ONE BEFORE I GET ORDERS FROM THE DOCTOR TO STOP EATING COOKIES.  OH AND THE CAT SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT SLEEPING NEXT TO ME ON THE COUCH! FOUR MONTHS SINCE I MET THE SCARED FELINE AND NOW HE SLLEPS NEXT TO ME…NO DADDY IS NOT PUTTING DOWN THE CAT, IF HE WANT TO KILL SOMETHING TO PUT IT OUT OF ITS MISERY, I CAN POINT HIM DOWN THE ROAD TOWARDS THE BUZZARD TO CHECK AND SEE IF IT IS SUFFERING…one more dumb thing… the mental health doc who wanted to put me on a drug i have refused before cause of the rediculously bad side effects that would definitely harm me called today to see if i was going to bother with another appointment and i guess she already knewi was not coming back from the tone of the voice over the phone.  nope, had she bothered to read my files she would have known i have refused this drug before just necause of pre existing health issues it would negatively affect.  if they aint gonna read my previous file notes, why do they bother summoning them?   jan lorenz. one more doctor not out to help me but to promote some friggin drug for pharmacutical companies.

TODAY WILL DECIDE WHETHER I STAY A MENTAL HEALTH CLIENT…IF THEY ARE NOT GOING TO DO ANY KIND OF COUNSELLING OR HELP ME WITH MY VARIOUS BARRIERS TO HEALTHCARE WHY SHOULD I REMAIN A CLIENT?  I HAVE ALREADY SEEN THIER INEPTITUDE AS I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PRECRIBED THE SEROQUEL I HAVE BEEN TAKING FOR MANY YEARS BUT DOUBT THEY WILL GIVE ME ANY OF MY OTHER MEDICATIONS I HAVE BEEN ON FOR MANY YEARS AND THEE IS ABSOLUTEMY ZERO COUNSELLING GOING ON SO I WONDER  WHAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY BEING PAID TO DO???  I GOT WITH THESE PEOPLE MONTHS AGO AND JUST NOW AM SEEING A PRESCRIBING DOCTOR.  THIS DOCTOR KNOWS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT ME SO I GUESS I WILL SEE WHAT   SHE HAS TO SAY BEFORE I DROP THESE PEOPLE FROM MANAGING MY MENTAL HEALTH CARE.  PRETTY DEPRESSING THAT I CANNOT EVEN GET MYSLEEP SHIFT AND MEMORY ENHANCING MEDICATIONS.  ALL THIS CRAP HAS OCCURRED IN FOUR YEARS FLAT, BEFORE MOVING INTO THE APARTMENT WHERE THE HACKING OCCURRED, IHAD A REAL LIFE.  DOING THINGS AND KNOWING PEOPLE…NOW ALL I DO IS WAIT TO SEE WHAT ELSE MY DAD IS GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT AS I AM UNDER HIS SHARP GAZE EVERY MINUTEOF THE DAY.  EVERY SINGLE CRUMB I EAT, HE SEES AND JUDGES ME FOR.  I AM NOW GETTING TOLD I AMGETTING FAT, LIKE IWOULD NOT KNOW I AM HAVING EDEMA ISSUES… IT HURTS TO WALK AND I CAN NO LONGER BEND AT THE WAIST, MY TISSUES ARE SO FULL OF WATER.   AND IT IS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE AS I NOW DO NOT HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO ANYTHING FROM THE EXHAUSTIONINDUCED BY MY THYROID ISSUES AS I HAVE BEEN OUT OF THYROID MEDS ABOUT TWO MONTHS NOW.   SO LETS GET UP AND GO TO THIS APPOINTMENTSO I CAN GET A GOOD DOSE OF DISSAPOINTMENT.  I REALLY DID NOT THINK I WAS GOING TO GO OUT LIKE THIS AS I HAD DONE A WHOLE LOT OF WORK TO GET MY HEALTH TO THE BEST IT COULD BE…ONLY TO LOSE EVERY STEP OF GROUND  I RECOVERED BY BEING STUCK IN THIS TRAILER WITH SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHY I AM SO TIRED. THERAPUTIC WRITING DONE BY KARIN WRAPE CANNOT DROP THE KEY BOARD TO GET TO THE NUMBERS…AGAIN.  CAPTIVE APPLE.

 

NOT A GOOD THING TO HAVE TO THINK ABOUT BUT I GO TO SLEEP MISERABLE AND HOT AND WAKE UP THE SAME WAY DAY AFTER DAY WHAT WITH THE BOREDOM AND TEDIUM OF BEING STUCK WHERE YOU DONT EVEN HAVE ROOM OF YOUR OWN AND CANNOT FIND CORRECT DOCTORS YET.  IT IS GETTING ME DEPRESSED AS I FACE THE TRUTH THAT LIVING HERE IS KILLINGME TO LIVE HERE.  I HAD IT COVERED ON MOST OF MY MEDSE FOR MONTHS, SOME DRUGS, YEARS BUT NOT BEING ABLE TO EVEN GET THYROID   TESTING AND MEDS IS HURTINGME BAD.  THIS LOWLAND…I HAVE LIVED FOR MANY YEARS AT ALTITUDES OVER 8000 FEET SO THIS DAMN LOW LAND REALLY SUCKS TO BE STUCK ON.  IF IT WERE NOT FOR MY DAD-I WOULD NOT BE HERE  AT ALL.  I REALLY DID HAVE A HIGH STRESS LIFESTYLE DOWN TO AN ART TOO, MOST NEVER EVEN KNEW I WAS LIVING IN AN RV, OR CAR FOR THAT MATTER, I DID NOT DRESS LIKE A BUM AFTER ALL SO EVEN THOUGH THE SOCKS I WAS WEARING SEVERAL PAIRS OF MAY HAVE CAME FROM THE LOST SOCKS BOX OF THE LOCAL LAUNDRY.  THE THING ABOUT BEING HOMELESS IS NOT TO LOOK LIKE YOU ARE.  I WAS GETTING MY OXYGEN BOTTLES EXCHANGED AT THE HOSPITAL AND I KNEW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF IN EXTREME CONDITIONS AND WITH PLENTY OF CONTINGENCIES FOR HEATING AND COOKING TOO.  ONE TIME I WAS EVEN LIVING IN MY CAR WITH TWO FLOWERING ORCHID PLANTS AND TWO GIANT POT PLANTS…THE COPS WOULD JUST SHAKE THIERS HEADS AND WALK AWAY HAPPILY OF THEY WERE NOT VERBALLY ASSAULTED BY ME.    I MISS COLORADO BAD AND SITTING INSIDE THIS BOX TO GET AWAY FROM THE BUGS AND THE HEAT IS NOT IMPROVING MY MENTAL OR PHYSICAL HEALTH, IN FACT THE SITTING HERE IS WHAT IS KILLING ME.  I DO NOT SEE MUCH IN THE WAY OF A LIFE OCCURING INSIDE THIS BOX, I DONT BELONG IN A BOX…I AM USED TO AT THE VERY LEAST SEEING THE SUN FROM THRU A WINDOW.    WONDER WHAT THING I NOW DEFICIENT OF BECAUSE I DO NOTHING ALL DAY BUT SIT IN HERE LISTENING TO DADDYS MOVIES?  IS IT VITAMIN  D? MY LUNGS DO NOT FUCTION WELL HERE AND THE EDEMA HAS MY TOES THROBBING AS I LAY BACK IN SWAMPY TEMP I HAVE NEVER LIKED.  I LIVE BEST AT FIFTY TO SIXTY DEGREES.  SO I AM JUST SITTING HERE THINKING OF HOW WELL I HAD CONTROL OF MY HEALTH, I WAS EVEN AT THE PERFECT THYROID LEVELS, AND HOW I HA,VE  NO WAY TO GET TESTING DONE AS I CANT GET DOCTORS MUCH LESS MY NORMAL MEDICATIONS AT ALL.  I AM GOING BACKWARDS HEALTH WISE AT A TWO TO ONE RATIO NOW TO THE POINT I CANNOT KEEP UP WITH FLUID RETENTION ANYMORE.  I GOTTA FACE IT THAT EVERY DAY I SIT HERE TAKES DAYS OF WHAT I HAVE LEFT TO LIVE.   PLEASE LORD MAKE IT SWIFT IF THIS IS HOW I AM TO DIE, OF HEAT AND BOREDOM IN SOME  DECAYING  BOX IN THE FLATLANDS OF TEXAS OUTBACK COUNTRY IN A NO NAME TOWN WITH A RATHER ORDINARY ZIP CODE…NO, NOTHING TO SEE HERE BUT A POOR WOMAN BEING VICTIMIZED AND SICK OF IT LOSING EVERYTHING HEALTHWISE I HAD OVERCOME WHEN HOMELESS.

 

ONE OF THE THINGS I AM REALLY SCARED OF MAY HAPPEN WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT, THE CAT, MAY GET TAKEN TO THE VET AND PUT TO SLEEP BECAUSE MY DADDY IS GETTING SCRATCHED BY HIM AROUND THE HEAD.  THE CAT SPENDS A LOT OF TIME ON TOP OF THE CHAIRS AND THE ONLY THING I CAN DO TO HELP THE CAT STAY ALIVE IS TO DILIGENTLY SHOO THE CAT FROM THE TOPS OF THE RECLINERS AS THE CAT SMACKED  DAD UPSIDE THE HEAD AND DAD SAID IT JUST MISSED HIS EYE AND CAUGHT IN HIS EAR…THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THIS IS TO KEEP THE CAT FROM SITTING WHERE IT COULD POTENTIALLY  BLIND DADDY SO HAVE GOTTEN A FLY SWATTER AND I AM NOW SITTING BEHIND DADDY AND WHEN THE CAT TRIES TO CLIMB UP TO THE BACK OF THE CHAIR, I WILL BE WAITING WITH THE FLYSWATTER, I CAN ALSO GET A SPRAY BOTTLE TO HELPTRAIN THE ANIMAL.  THE ONLY OQTHER THING WOULD BE FOR ME TO VERY QUICKLY GET ME A SMALLRV OR TRAILER AND MOVE ME AND THE CAT INTO IT.   I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH ABOUT THE CAT BEING VERY SMART AND THAT IT IS EXTREMELY TRAINABLE AND THAT IF IT CANNOT KEEP FROM SWIPING AT DADDY I WILL HAVE TO LEAVE THE MAIN HOUSE WITH THE ANIMAL, AS I KNOW WHAT BEING GOTTEN RID OF FEELS LIKE.   I GUESS DADDY HAD ALREADY MADE HIS MIND UP TO PUT THE CAT DOWN THIS MORNING BUT I REFUSE TO LET HIM OFF THIS SO EASILY AND I INSIST THAT IF THE CAT IS GOING TO BE KILLED THAT HE DO THE DIRTY WORK HIMSELF, FUNNY HOW IF YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAS TO DO THE KILLING HOW MUCH HARDER IT SUDDENLY IS…SO THIS IS MY NEW STRESS FACTOR, HAVING TO MAKE SURE DADDY DOES NOT SNATCH THE CAT UP WHILE I AM ASLEEP AND RUN THE ANIMAL OFF TO A VET TO GET KILLED.   I AM ALREADY DEALING WITH STRESS BECAUSE OF MY HEALTH PROBLEMS AND THE HACKING I AM STILL DEALING WITH AT THIS VERY MINUTE AS SOMETHING KEEPS GRABBING CONTROL OF THIS IPAD WHILE I AM TYPING, THE GOD AWFUL SOUND THAT HAS RETURNED AFTER TWO SMALL BREAKS FROM THE NOISE AND HAS COME BACK WITH A VERY PAINFUL AND FAST TAPPING AND MY DADDY WITH THE ATTITUDE THAT THE CAT IS GOING TO BLIND HIM THERFORE IT SHOULD BE KILLED WITHOUT TRYING ANY KIND OF TRAINING TO STOP THIS.   IF I HAVE TO, I COULD EVEN MAKE THE CAT SOCKS TO WEAR AND KEEP THE CLAWS COVERED…AND IF YOU THINK I HAVE NOT HAD MORE THAN A FEW THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW I COULD DO THIS -YOU ARE WRONG AS WHEN MY DADDYSTARTED TO GET THESE DEEP CUTS ON HIS ARMS FROM THE CAT, THE NAILS BEING TRIMMED WAS THE FIRST THING I DID AND THINK OF WAYS TO COVER ITS CLAWS WHILE DADDYWAS HEALING UP WAS SECOND. IF I HAVE TO I WILL GET A CAMPER FOR ME AND THE CAT TO LIVE IN BECAUSE YOU JUST DO NOT GO AROUND KILLING YOUR PETS BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO STOP IT FROM DOING SOMETHING THAT YOU DO NOT LIKE.  YES, IF THE CAT DIES, I AM GOING AWAY MYSELF.  THAT IS THAT.   I WOULD NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH DADDY IF HE DOES KILL THIS ANIMAL.  NO I DO NOT WANT DADDY GETTING BLINDED BY HIM SO THAT IS WHY I AM GOING TO SIT BEHIND DAD WITH AFLYSWATTER AND TRAIN THE CAT NOT TO SIT WHERE IT. CAN REACH HIS FACE BUT HE HAS TO WEAR THE LONG SLEEVED SHIRTS TO PROTECT HIS ARMS FROM SCRATCHES AS HE ALREADY KNOWS HIS FLESH IS HEALED AND SHOULD WEAR LONG SLEEVES TO PROTECT FROM FUTURE SCRATCHES TOO, HE WENT AND GOT THE SHIRTS, NOW HE HAS TO WEAR THEM.   IF I HAVE TO, I WILL CLEAN OUT A SIDE OF THE SHOP AND MOVE ME AND THE CAT. I THERE BUT I GOT TO MAKE SURE IT DOES NOT GET KILLED FIRST.  THERAPUTIC WRITING DONE BY A RATHER UPSET KARIN WRAPE 9-14-17 CAUSE YOU JUST DO NOT TAKE THE LIFE OF YOUR PETS SO LIGHTLY THAT YOU LOOK UPON THEM AS DISPOSABLE.  I AM ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE THE SOUND NOT ONLY AFFECTS THE CAT BUT THAT IT CAUSES MY DADDY TO THINK AND ACT STRANGELY TOO EVEN IF HE DOES NOT BELIEVE IT DOES, I SEE IT.  THAT IS ENOUGH FOR ME.  LOOKS LIKE I WILL BE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TO TRY AND KEEP CAT FROM GETTING TAKEN OUT WHILE I SLEEP.

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